You made me the thief of your heart

I’m kind of ashamed to say that I don’t own an iPod. Nowadays, it’s like you can’t be a true-blood gadget fetishist unless you don Apple’s finest. I mean, own one, or diss it, saying things like “Oh, I don’t know. It doesn’t support gapless playback. I can’t listen to live music with the annoying 1-second silence gap between songs”, or “I’m not really a pink man. Once they go orange, I’m like, there, dude”. However, something that has always struck me as excessive were the lavish white earphones. Like being branded by the devil, you would cross paths with another fellow pod person and nod knowingly, as if you knew you’d both slept with that hot blonde that works in Accounting. An officemate said that was part of the reasoning behind buying an iPod, not a brand X: the prestige, so to speak, of paying about $50 extra for a pair of white earphones. Like being member of an exclusive club, others would bow in envy as you walked down the street, you’d be admitted in VIP iPod owner lounges, and random females would offer their bodies for sex.

I had a hard time not cackling like a madman when that same officemate came in, with a big frown were his iPod used to be. He had been mugged while walking to the office. “The thief just took the iPod, like he knew it was there”.

[SHINY WHITE EARPHONES BEAMING LIKE A DISTRESS SIGNAL]
iPod: “HELLO MR. THIEF! PLEASE LIBERATE ME FROM THIS ELITIST PRICK AND HIS SHITTY ELECTRONIC MUSIC!”
Thief: “I must save that iPod from a lifetime of Moby. Quick, Knifie McKnife, assume attack position. We’re engagin’ the enemy in 3…2…”

I might not have cackled, but I’m pretty sure my tongue biting kinda gave away the fact that I didn’t feel for him. Oh, no. Feel for him, as Yoda would say, I did not…

Trackbacks & Pings

  1. alvarete.net » My boyfriend’s (not) back (yet) on 01 Sep 2005 at 5:21 pm

    […] The Apple Lifestyle”, buying style over substance. However, fate had an iPod Shuffle landing on my lap for my 27th birthday (thanks chaps!), which I promptly traded in for a brand-new iPod Mini. Pink, […]

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Comments

  1. Johann wrote:

    Love this site, i don´t remember laughing this hard for a good while. By the way Alvarete if you wanna find good old fashion geeks take the train to Germany. Seeya

    Posted 26 Apr 2005 at 6:41 pm

  2. dorothy hale wrote:

    I stop wanting an IPOD when i realized all my ten year old nephews have one….They have enough reasons in my family already, to call me childlish….

    Funny story by the way…

    Posted 26 Apr 2005 at 10:57 pm

  3. Chase Ransom wrote:

    Interesting;

    I take an hour train ride in the morning and an hour train ride in the afternoon, and both involve some waiting around. And all of it, involves being surrounded by noisy strangers. Add to that the once-in-while trip, and I (and my wife) have very good reason to want to own an MP3 player.

    After all, since 1997 we have ALL (and dont you dare to fake otherwise) of being able to take our massive MP3 collections on the road with us. I remember ppl making PC’s that doubled as a stereo basically only serving for the purpose of playing MP3’s.

    Enough said, I bought my wife an IpodMini for her birthday this year. I thought about going Ipod but, I think the whole “how many gigs is your Ipod” is just that mad obsession like the ones we used to sport back when having an 8GB hard drive was like “OH MY GOD”. The 4GB capacity of the IpodMini was more than sufficient.

    So now, instead of looking at silly faces and trying to find entertainment in the blurry stupidity going by the train window, I rock out to my favorite tunes. Btw, just fyi, we nicknamed out IpodMini …. Linus.

    So why did I buy it? Brand is a big deal. Design too. And the fact that its the device for which not only are tones of accessories made, BMW, Volvo and other car manufacturers are integrating Ipod into their new car designs. Car I intend to buy next year = Volvo.

    Am I a bitch for brands? Am I all about what is hot and hyped? Not by a long shot. I dont flash brands on my clothes, dont follow the trends, etc. Anybody who knows me, knows this to be true.

    My recommendation - everybody get over your fear of being “typical” and embrace one of the best things to be put on the market in recent years. Anybody who pretends that Apple doesnt dish out sweet merchandise is just trying to seem jaded.

    F it

    Posted 27 Apr 2005 at 2:24 am

  4. alvarete wrote:

    That’s it, I’m getting an iPod too!

    Now, seriously. I don’t diss the iPod, I think it’s cool, love the design, and all that jazz. I just think it’s funny how Apple managed to sell a gazillion of them by hyping them to the 20-to-30 demographic, just by jump-starting the idea that an iPod is cool. Yes, an iPod is cool, but when I see the people at the office bitching that “It has way too much space for music. I mean, 4 Gb? I just use like 1/4th of that”, but praising the shiny white earphones and how cool it is to meet a fellow pod people in the train, it gives me the heebie-jeebies.

    Is it cool to say heebie-jeebies anymore? Am I not worthy of an iPod anymore?

    Posted 27 Apr 2005 at 8:44 am

  5. nashira wrote:

    I’m not the walkman/iPod/portable-music-device kind of person. I’ts weird, because I really like music. I love music, but not “on the way” when I’m not driving.

    Here, I have to use public transportation and I haven’t been carrying around my mp3 player. I’m just too curious or voyeurist to the point that I prefer to listen to other people’s conversations in the train, bus or metro; I like to watch them, watch their manners, reactions, it’s fascinating.

    And I prefer to read, also, I’ve never been affected by that “don’t read on the bus or you’ll get nauseus” urban legend. It just doesn’t happen.

    Posted 27 Apr 2005 at 9:33 am

  6. alvarete wrote:

    I am affected by the “get engrossed in your reading and completely miss your stop” syndrome, which is why I don’t engage in literature while using public transportation. Friends don’t let friends read while on the metro!

    Posted 27 Apr 2005 at 12:36 pm

  7. Mozalbete Cowell-Vera wrote:

    God I hate that stupid question: “Wow.. Ipod.. how many gigs?”

    Brainless sonsabitches.. I still dont understand how in the blue hell can someone fill a 40G Ipod…

    It just cannot be done..

    Anyway.. just stepping by..

    we be kewl.

    Posted 28 Apr 2005 at 2:51 am

  8. Schiz Cum Snake wrote:

    Watching people and listening to their conversations was my kind of voyeurism when I was a child. Sometimes I was so into it that I wasn’t aware of how weird I looked staring at others like a hypnotized monkey. I still do that, since I’ve always been more an observer than a participant, but I try to be much more discreet.

    I use public transportation too, but interesting incidents rarely happen; so when I’m bored, be it in the seat of a bus or collge or whatever, I prefer to reside in my fantasyland.

    Posted 28 Apr 2005 at 4:37 am

  9. Chase Ransom wrote:

    I think whenever somebody is riding solo (or with someone that is just boring to death) on public transportation, its inevitable to focus on what the rest of the people are doing. It so happens I ride the train with teenagers, between middle school and highschool, and at first I was curious to hear what they talked about. Result = I sure hope I wasnt that empty-headed when I was a kid.

    So, since they have nothing interesting to report, and the adults on the train either sleep, read (are quiet) or just blah-blah over the cellphone, I tune the noise out of the train and simply watch what they do, rather than listen to what they say. Result = kids arent all that interesting after all. And not all that cool neither from where I stand.

    But I digress….in regards to 4GB of music; easily filled. Just take your favorite bands (their entire body of work), and pepper it with some contemporary crap that will probably be off the radio in a week, and you got yourself a full serving. 10GB, 20GB, and up, to me is just stupid. That is why I got the IpodMini (only 4GB) (and like 50 bux cheaper than its older brother the Ipod).

    Plus if your commute also involves some walking, there is little that compares to putting on “Like a Rolling Stone” and walking the streets.

    F it.

    Posted 28 Apr 2005 at 2:12 pm

  10. alvarete wrote:

    Whoever claims that you can’t fill up a 40Gb iPod has a small penis… I think 4Gb is more than enough for a couple of weeks if you pick your music carefully, but I could fill out a 40Gb one without breaking a sweat, and still not be able to fit a lot of music I’d like to listen to. I like to future-proof my music, so I only do MP3 at –r3mix (VBR, Ultra-High-Quality), or lossless FLAC, and make my own high-q MP3 to put on my portable. Whoever claims there’s no difference between 128kbps and 192kbps is smoking crack, and since you’re already up to 192kbps, might as well go for that 5% extra bitrate and get something that’s as close to the source CD as it’s going to get.

    So yeah, 40Gb iPod for the win. I’ll take the mini over the regular iPod any day though, the size is nicer, the battery rocks, and I like my gadgets in pink, not white.

    Posted 28 Apr 2005 at 3:28 pm

  11. dorothy hale wrote:

    Where you asking for your readers permission to buy an Ipod?? Reading your post and reading your last comment is hard to know what your real intention was…

    p.d.i’m patient…

    Posted 29 Apr 2005 at 5:03 pm

  12. aldodager wrote:

    pink gadgets sucks…

    as well as motley crue, ipods, u2 commercials and that mofo who cant fill 40gb…

    Posted 29 Apr 2005 at 6:09 pm

  13. alvarete wrote:

    I don’t need to ask for permission BECAUSE I ALREADY GOT ONE! PINK! WOOOOO!

    Oh yeah, happy birthday to me…

    Posted 30 Apr 2005 at 11:44 am

  14. Chase Ransom wrote:

    That’s right. Dont talk to me like you know me

    Posted 01 May 2005 at 2:15 pm

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