Summertime blues
Ah, summertime. Smelly people in the metro, daylight until 22h30, heat that melts your features right off your face, and summer schedule (09h00 to 15h00) in the office. It’s also time for about 60% of all Madrid inhabitants to flee the city, and find solace in the beaches/mountains, which, in turn, means that a large portion of Madrid-dwellers gets exchanged for hot tourists. Ah, topless suntanners at the park near my house, how I love thee all…
It’s also the time of the year when I do my best to bring down the corporate machinery that plots against us. You see, my brother works at the happiest place on Earth, which grants him, ahem, access to a number of free-drink coupons, which he conveniently forgets to stamp with an expiration date, so they basically read “Get any Starbucks drink, anywhere, anytime”. So during winter I basically have access to an unlimited amount of hot, free coffee, and during the summer days I have access to unlimited, cold Tall Mocha Frapuccinos with cream and a cherry, may I please have a cup holder so my fingers don’t freeze off, thank you very much. I pretend what I’m doing is highly illegal, so during the entire transaction I make sure I have shifty eyes, and shuffle uncomfortably while waiting in line. They probably don’t give a rat’s ass about me and my endless supply of free-drink vouchers, but it makes my coffee taste that much sweeter.
August is also the time for sales. There’s a country-wide sale fever that starts around the 1st of August and goes right until September. The problem with this is that it’s mostly clothes stores, and the local clothes stores are crap. They’re worse than crap, since they’re all there is, so it’s also crap you see on everybody, everywhere. Nothing screams “I live in Spain” like wearing the same t-shirt everybody else wears. So here, it’s either the “popular” stores, which sell overpriced crap clothes, or designer shops that sell overpriced and really expensive nice clothes. I’m not even talking Polo or Ralph Lauren, I’m talking Massimo Dutti and Ermenegildo Zegna. I could probably afford it, but I refuse to on principle: I’m not paying 80€ for a shirt that looks “kinda nicer” than my Gap shirts. Oh yes, Gap, by the way, doesn’t exist in Spain. I saw one while in Paris, but I quickly realized this was not The Gap I was looking for. This was The Gap for european snobs, the american Massimo Dutti. Yes, they were charging 80€ for shirts too.
F them and their stupid fashion sense.
I just want my Gap.
Chase Ransom wrote:
Cheer up.
The could be maybe one advantage to looking the part of “I live in Spain”. If there is a surplus of hot tourists (Tappable resources), and you are readily identifiable as a “local”, then perhaps you can use that angle of “hot summer fling with a local while on my summer vacation in Spain”, and thus becoming a page in the life of some chick.
Later in life she will make her own editorial work to her story and claim that you were broad shouldered, dark and dashing. However that should have no negative effect on you since you have accomplished the goal of any self-respecting man - taking advantage of even the slimmest chance to get laid. Also might improve your “international quota” of women. Extra points for bagging a chick from one of these new rougue nations.
F it.
Posted 14 Jun 2005 at 5:04 pm ¶
dorothy hale wrote:
“…I could probably afford it…”
I see you’re improving in the “sell-myself” department…good for u…I mean if anything works for a hot, adventurous and poor tourist is a geek with extra bucks!! ;)
Posted 14 Jun 2005 at 5:31 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
If the means justify the end, then no matter what clohes you wear: approach the hot tourists and introduce yourself as a pusher. You’ll thank me later.
Posted 14 Jun 2005 at 6:46 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
Also, you can invite the hot tourist to have a frapuccino. Do those coupons work for like, the sandwiches and stuff? If they do, you should explore that dimension.
For starters, does Starbucks carry sandwiches in Europe? Do they list the sizes in Europe like here? Tall, Grande and Venti?
How can there be a Starbucks but no Gap? I dont see the logic in that. Then again, I dont see the logic in most of what has happened in Europe for the past 2,500 years.
F it.
Posted 14 Jun 2005 at 9:09 pm ¶
Chalito wrote:
I honestly think you should wear your Gap (American) shit and try to bang more spanish chicks while pretending you are the tourist… I mean, while everyone there tries to bang tourists named Inga, you should take advantage of that ungrowing demand for spanish chicks….hell, at the time you’ll probable be known as the hot mofo from Morroco!
Anyway, even if there were a Gap, just like in Paris, it would suck cuz it would be for the rich people who could afford to dress like they’re from someplace else…do what I do, plan a yearly trip to the states, buy a shitload of clothes and rationate them…the moment you have nothing new with a Gap tag on your drawers…start saving for the next trip!
Long live the Gap!
Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 1:57 am ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
Only problem with pretending to be a tourist is:
1. He could only pretend to be American because all he speaks is English and Spanish, and except for Spain I cant think of any other place in Europe where Spanish prevails (unless you want to pretend to be a tourist from South America, which I dont think will score you many points with the ladies). Also pretending to be a tourist from USA might not be so hot these days, and spark a few uncool conversations and debates.
2. Ok so he picks a chick up, and then takes her where? If you are a tourist you obviously have a hotel room somewhere. And the chick would rather go there than her own house, whether she lives alone or with her parents. No hotel? Crashing with your brothers you say? Hey what a nice little set up they got for you here?
3. More likely than not he would have to stake out places he normally is at, and therefore, there is the chance that he could run into the same chick again at a later date - thus blowing his cover and getting the proverbial backhand slap accross the face.
4. Did you ever see that episode of Seinfeld where George pretends to be a tourist to go out with this chick, and then wants to transition the thing into something permanent? He pretends to move, get hired by the Yankees, etc., ends up getting traded for alcoholic chicken by the Yankees with some chicken empire up North. I can see Alvarete getting caught up in that.
Anyways, the pretending to be a tourist isnt as good as just hitting on tourists. You are essentially mining the same social disfuction of desiring a temporary summertime fling with someone who will inevitably dissapear soon.
F it.
Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 1:28 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
And I thought I was weird for keeping some unworn threads “just in case”. I don’t know if this proves I’m not, or that we’re all turning old and neurotic.
The pusher angle is a vast wealth of resources I’ve unknowingly left untapped. I’ll have to carry some chocolates in my bag, and after the girl is in the proverbial bag, I’d have to convince her that they’re highly illegal in Spain. Then again, if she slept with me, she’d clearly fall for that kind of crap.
In Starbucks we get the regular Burger King sizes: Pequeñó, Grande, Mediano. The first time I went into one I actually gave her the usual “Tall mocha frapuccino with cream”, and I didn’t even get the “Oh, he’s a tourist” look, I got the “guard, get this fucking kook off my establishment” look. I guess incredibly hot people who know the american cup-size nomenclature aren’t welcome in this anglophile-hating country.
Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 3:56 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
I can already picture a few readers rubbing themselves at the very mention of Seinfeld. Chalito, do the honours.
I know you want to.
Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 4:33 pm ¶
dorothy hale wrote:
Chalito is not only a geek but also a yuppie, and with no one else making fun of his yearly trips to the States to buy “clothes” I assume you all are.
On the other hand, I can’t undestand how guys can “save” their new clothes for months. For me the most natural thing is to use them as soon as possible…probably a chick thing….
Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 5:31 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
Actually, traveling abroad to buy clothes is more a matter of basic economics and dignity. See, in South America (and as I understand in Europe too), there is no such thing as “quality national clothing” that is cheap. Even national or neighboring nationals are expensive, and then you have the USA brands that are imported to boutiques (did I just write that word?), priced at double or triple what you can buy them for in the US. Or you just buy plain ugly clothes or make your own.
So lets say you are a metrosexual like Chalito that fancies a nice dressing ensemble and has a flash for fashion - you want to look nice but you are screwed because where you live its all nasty, or expensive as hell.
It makes more sense to take a flight to USA, spend a week there (normally crashing on somebody’s futon), buy your clothes for the whole year, and then go back home and ration them a little = cost just as much as buying the clothes where you lived, and you get a trip to boot.
He is a little yuppity and all the way metro, but I can support him on his travel-shopping.
I take my tall frapuccino without cream and with legs (to go).
F it.
Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 6:47 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Makes even more sense with the crazy euro to dollar exchange rate. Basically, everything I buy in dollars is about 20% cheaper for me due to a stronger euro position respect to the dollar. Since companies are fixated on keeping the same price but swapping the currency (The iPod is $199 in the US, 199€ in Europe, which comes out to $150-ish depending on the day). If you save up and make one big shopping trip, you get nice clothes, a trip, and maybe even some savings to boot. Not to mention this could be considered “vacation” to some…
Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 6:59 pm ¶
dorothy hale wrote:
Oh my god…. I feel like I’m reading the “A spy among them” column in Cosmopolitan.
jejeje…Chase ransom, thanx for the afternoon laughter…..
Posted 15 Jun 2005 at 9:12 pm ¶
Chalito wrote:
ok, I can take the geek and yuppie labels, no problem there….but metrosexual??? WTF Chase! I don’t know the book definition for the word but I can assure you I don’t fall on that category!
About saving the new clothes, yes, as guys (hope it’s not just me) we don’t feel the urge to put everything on as soon as I get it. I usually have a rotation of clothes (similar to the washing cycles some people have). So what I do is introduce the new material to the rotation whenever a vacancy spot opens.
Now that I’m on the subject, I’ve realized this trend now occurs on everything for me. Usually my now famous yearly trip to the USA also involves buying a shitload of cd’s and dvd’s (since once again, it’s hard to find descent not bootleged music here in the 3rd world). So for example, in my last trip i probable bought 40 cd’s, yet yesterday (3 months later)I opened the last new cd from that batch, since I like to absorb each cd well before moving into the next thing.
Does anyone feel my pain or have I become more paranoid than I’d like to accept???
“You want to sleep with common people,
You want to sleep with common people like me,
but you didn’t!”
-Pulp
Posted 16 Jun 2005 at 3:47 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
I’m right with your when it comes to storing your clothes until finding the right time to finally use them. But the cd’s? Man, it’s impossible for me not to open the whole badge at the same time.
…”it’s hard to find decent not bootlegged music here in the 3d world”.
More than hard, it has become quite a quest. I’m not sure about this situation in ALL South America, but here in the middle of the world it’s nearly impossible to find a store with non-trendy originals. This is something that should come as no surprise for any rational person, because the difference between a bootleg and an original is insane.
About three or four years ago I spent a whole month cleaning up stores of their “oldies” stock. I bought around 20 to 30 CD’s (originals) at a price range from $5,00 to $11,00. What I remember most though, are the cashier’s faces in all the stores. Some of them even were even vocal about their disbelief, like this bubble gum-chewing-chick, who scratched her head while asking me if the Bessie Smith double album I bought for $7,00 was for my grandmother.
Posted 16 Jun 2005 at 7:23 pm ¶
Chalito wrote:
hehehe, i completely feel your pain, finding a Doves cd(made in the EU) at Tower Records still ranks amongst the finest moments I’ve had at a local mall ever. Cuz of that single moment, I still waste hours and hours browsing thru every cd in quest for another best buy/rare finding.
About saving them, it’s really about time for me. My working hours are kinda crazy, so I usually take a couple new cd’s to work, however i can listen to them 3 times in a day but if it’s busy day(like most days) I probably won’t be paying too much attention to it so i’ll end up listening to the same two cd’s for a whole week. Not to mention the 50GB worth of music i keep at work cuz I gotta have the right music for every moment of the day. Nothing says I hate this job better than the Clash’s first two albums.
“They offered me the office, offered me the shop,
Said I better take anything they got!”
The Clash - Carrer Oportunities
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 1:03 am ¶
Chalito wrote:
sorry to get off topic for a second, but I saw Batman Begins yesterday and let me tell you it rules!!! finally all the technical details were answered, great movie for a datail freak like me. I give it five thumbs up!
Finally working on media paid off (here the movie won’t come out till friday.
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 1:11 am ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
Five thumbs up? I dont know if you can technically use that rating system. Its either two thumbs up, or otherwise you have to use some sort of other symbol of approval in order to do the “five” thing.
You could give it five George Michaels?
I tease but I mean no harm. Seriously though, I am interested in seeing the movie but, I am just not anxious to see it. I guess living in the US makes movie going different. When you live in Ecuador, aside from going to the movies there isnt all that much to do, at least not where you will see something different. Always the same places and the same people - thus a new movie is at least a brief escape from the routine. Here, with much more to distract oneself with, I guess the thrill is watered down a bit.
F it.
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 1:24 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Batman, you say? Coming for you?
I’ll post my impressions on that movie tomorrow. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Or not.
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 2:16 pm ¶
Johann wrote:
I really want to go see that movie especially since the last 2 batman movies where terrible. I always like the emocionally distressed sociopath going hero crap. That said, man i´ve never saved cloth for months, well i never bought more then one item of clothing at a time. See it´s more like ,you see you closet and go: Black t-shirt and neck shirts check. Black pants, gray and jeans check. White T-shirts check. Trendy gap or any other this year crap stuff 2 or 3 items check. Tons of formal and work clothing check. If any of the above mentioned are missing replace at the close by mall before getting back home or you may forget. But i really am not fashion oriented at all. And do believe that if i ever show up at a farm with anything that is not a wifebeater, jeans and boots, man i will never get a second chance. No one will obey any order anymore for the rest of their lifes and so on and forth. Maybe i´ll give it a try thought. The going to buy stacks of cloth and ration them. On second thought i´ll just take time off, go on vacations and spent the money at a bar with some friend i have not seen for a while.
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 2:44 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
Ok, for those who already saw the movie, one question only (no spoilers please): Is this a Frank Miller based Batman or not?
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 5:19 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
I have no idea about your question but I have one of my own. Is there really any way to spoil a batman movie? Do we all not know the end result (at least the usual significant ones).
It would be like “dont tell me the ending of Passion of the Christ”. Or “Does Anakin turn to the dark side or not?”
Just wanted to put my two cents in.
F it.
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 5:49 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Willie:
No.
NEXT!
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 6:32 pm ¶
Chalito wrote:
Chase is completely right, we all now exactly what’s gonna happen, yet the explanation of how it all happened is what makes it worth your four bucks (thank God for prices in the 3rd world!).
Pretty much the same as Episode III, no surprises, but seeing the journey to the inevitable is definately a fun ride.
also, the performances are pretty damn good!, Bale is the best Batman since Keaton (I know that doesn’t say a lot cuz the other 2 were crap). Gary Oldman fits perfectly as a young Gordon. Katie Holmes is ok, let’s not forget she’s only there to provide with the romantic sense every superhero story must have in order to attract chicks to the flick. Cane makes a surprinsingly very good Alfred. Freeman is solid as usual. The only not brilliant point would be the guy from “28 days later” (looks nothing like him on that movie)…he’s not bad but deffinately not briliant…where’s Jack Nicholson when you need him!
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 6:43 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
It seems you’ve never read a comic book in your life. Not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just that people who never read comics tend to have less imagination, that’s all. Anyway, regarding your two cents, I really don’t get your point. Yes, it’s obvious this guy Bruce Wayne turns into the Batman, but this doesn’t mean you could spoil my expectatives by sharing information that I would prefer to experience first handed. All I want to know from the guys who already saw it is about the character itself. Mainly, if they choose Frank Miller’s version of Batman, or not.
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 6:54 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
You’re right about one thing: you really don’t get my point.
Regardless, I wasn’t aware that reading comic books was a pre-requisite to have a fully functional imagination. Who knew. Your theory then finally proves beyond a doubt that aliens came to earth thousands of years ago and put in the hands of the great, ancient philosophers all those great ideas. It has to be, because obviously, how could they have had the creativity and imagination to come up with things such as clocks and other similarly complex machines without Stan Lee to guide them to it.
What I interpret as a “spoiler” in a movie is giving away the ending or telling what the result of major plot twist is. Get ready for another spoiler then: the re-make of willy wonka and the chocolate factory is finally based on the novel and not on some silly bunch of musical numbers they put in that movie like 30 years ago. Boy did I just suck all the fun out of that one!
Chalito is right, the only reason to see any of these movies is to witness the journey, get a glimpse of some nice movie pyro and of course, check out the eye candy (in this case Katie Holmes). I’d tap that twice a day and three times on Sunday despite her ties to Scientology. I’d wear a mask of L. Ron and we’d do it on a table of clay.
“here upon a stone I sit, wondering why I write this S*it”
F it.
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 10:03 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
I don’t know anything about this story other than in the end, a guy with a dark fashion sense and an attitude dedicates his life to fight crime. This is a fact. Now, to your isubjective nterpretation of spoilers:
“What I interpret as a spoiler in a movie is giving away the ending or telling what the result of mayor plot twist is”. This is, of course, bullshit. Any plot twist can be spoiled. You can suck away the expectative from any scene. An example? Who trained the man?, where?, when?
Of course, you are entitled to both disagree AND to be a jerk at the same time. Nice story about the aliens though, very original and imaginative. Word to the wise: being single minded is a disease from the ego.
Posted 17 Jun 2005 at 11:11 pm ¶
Schiz Cum Snake wrote:
Your theory then finally proves beyond a doubt that aliens came to earth thousands of years ago and put in the hands of the great, ancient philosophers all those great ideas.
I believe it was 75 millions years ago. And it wasn’t aliens, I think it was volcanos.. or maybe it was clams… I don’t know, but something like that would be more or less imaginative.
Posted 18 Jun 2005 at 9:32 am ¶
alvarete wrote:
Clams? Fuck that, it was dolphins!
Mad props to all Douglas Adams fans, GO 42! WOOOOOOO!
Posted 18 Jun 2005 at 1:21 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
I’m single minded and my ego is diseased!! I wonder if my health insurance will cover that.
Dolphins are secretly selfish and poised to take over the world when the first opportunity presents itself. I dont think they would have shared their secrets.
BTW, saw Be Cool last night and boy did that suck. Almost as bad as Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. How do these movies even get distributed? The rating boards that tags movies with R, PG and such, should also do humanity a favor and stop distribution of movies like these.
F it.
Posted 18 Jun 2005 at 5:25 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Be Cool is a disgrace. Just when John Travolta was in my “cool” book…
Heh.
Two words: test audiences. Vince Vaughan acting as a wigger must’ve been a huge hit with the “urban” audience, The Rock attracted all those with latent homosexual tendencies, Cedric the Entertainer and Andrè 3000 got the brothas into the theater, and the fact that Get Shorty was OK attracted the rest of us schmucks. Danny De Vito must be laughing all the way to the bank.
Posted 20 Jun 2005 at 2:39 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
The only person in Be Cool that is probably dying for a paycheck is James Woods, and he is only in the movie like 5 minutes. Everybody else has no excuse for doing that flop. How can you go from kicking ass in Kill Bill to this? Travolta is an idiot so nothing surprises me from him. He has to be one of the most self-important blow hards in the industry.
Then again if I was nailing Kelly Preston on a regular basis I might feel the same way.
F it.
Posted 20 Jun 2005 at 3:45 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
Kelly Preston. Absolutely hot. I bet she’s loud too.
Posted 20 Jun 2005 at 5:24 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Oh, she is.
Trust me.
Posted 20 Jun 2005 at 6:36 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
You have to hand it to Travolta though. How brainwashed must that woman be? First of all, it seems like she thinks he is the proverbial shit on the face of the planet. Then, she allows all this weird shit with airplanes. Who needs a hangar in their house? You know she lost it when they named their kid Jet.
Travolta probably has condoms custom made with wings and flaps on them. Maybe even a little landing gear for extra pleasure.
She is a stepford wife.
F it.
Posted 20 Jun 2005 at 7:25 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Speaking of “How the hell did that happen?”, Ethan Hawke and Uma Thurman? Luckily, she came to her senses. I bet he still wakes up everyday and kicks himself in the ass for letting her go. She went on to Kill Bill, and he went on to disappear into well-deserved obscurity.
Posted 22 Jun 2005 at 11:39 am ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
Hold it. Before anybody else drops a “how the hell did that happen” name in here, we have to pay homage to the quintessential unlikely hoookup.
Rick Ocasek & Paulina Porizkova
Enough said and just FYI, they are still together.
F it.
Posted 22 Jun 2005 at 3:21 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Holy crap, I actually remember watching My Alibi in the theater. Paulina was nominated for a “Worst Actress” Razzie for her role. Tom Selleck, where are thou? God knows we need more hairy mustachioed hunks in our movie diet.
Posted 22 Jun 2005 at 5:17 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
Reason you dont see much “stache” in the films anymore is because it has basically become a comedy accessorie. Examples: most of the cast of Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Ben Stiller in numerous roles (Dodgeball and as a disguise in Starsky & Hutch), etc….the list goes on and on.
Therefore its tough to play a fat bushy stache these days if you want to keep a straight face (in the movies). In real life, when I saw that pic of you rocking the trucker facial hair, I almost had a seizure it was so funny.
F it.
Posted 22 Jun 2005 at 6:02 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
Let us not forget that the main reason why only comediants sport them these days, is because the moustache is intrinsically* associated with the Porn industry.
* (I had to look this one up).
Posted 22 Jun 2005 at 6:46 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Willie gets the alvarete award for dictionary word of the day!
Posted 22 Jun 2005 at 11:03 pm ¶