The world has gone
Does anybody remember laughter?
More apropos, being a teenager during the summertime?
Man, do I miss being a teenager during summer.
When I was a kid, and I had long three-month summer breaks with absolutely nothing productive to do, my idea of a grown-up summer involved long trips somewhere. I never figured out the allure of, you know, not being here, where here was “wherever I was yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that”. I guess even moving to a foreign country loses it’s charm after the realization that it’s always the same, and that, you know, next time you do it, you better keep your expectations in check, because it’s all the same. In a way, it’s kind of sad that it’s taken 27 years of a not-particulary-diverse lifetime to find that out, and that, even if it takes a little work, doing shit you enjoy is an requisite for sanity.
I used to enjoy guitar playing, as much as a person can enjoy practicing for hours on end for a once-a-year event. Twice, even, when we were lucky, but we never got that good at selling ourselves. I stopped when I came face to face with talent, and I didn’t saw myself in it, as much as I didn’t see it in myself. Because, in the end, it’s all about hard work, even if it’s meant to be fun, and I didn’t want it that bad. I figured I could just do something else, like writing. Writing is fun, and I’m not terrible at it. So I wrote. I write, still, when I get some time, and when it doesn’t feel like work, like now. Except that it’s not about the fun anymore. It’s about being good, and I honestly look at myself when I read a particularly clever book and think “See, I’m not particularly clever. All I’m good at is making jokes about how I’m not funny.” Which I’m not, really.
I’m also not a risk taker. I’m not the kind of person that sky-dives (I’d love to), or gets a tattoo (I’m too scared it’ll hurt). Or keeps making jokes even though they’re not funny. I’m like flat coke, without 30 sparkly minutes after you open the can. And today, I feel very far away from the people who think that it’s okay to be like that.
Chase Ransom wrote:
What crawled up your poop chute?
I too suffer from the “I’m pretty good at everything, but not the best at anything” syndrome. Not to worry. I realized this VERY early in life (pre-teen) and although at times it has bothered me a bit, in general I take pleasure in knowing that at least, I exceed the majority at most things.
The way I see it, its damned if you do and damned if you dont. Look at it this way.
Rob Zombie (boy was that out of left field or what) has yet ANOTHER movie coming out, you guessed it, about death and shit like that. Obviously his whole career (movies and music) revolve around death and shit, which I guess is fine. But dont you think he wakes up some days and feels so typecast, monochromatic and quite frankly (in the words of the Osbourne kids when asked about Ozzy biting the head off a bat), “bite off something else already” about his life?
If I were the best at say, tennis, that is pretty much all that people would identify me with and see me as. Therefore, by having never fallen into one (lets call it) activity, I have always kept my avenues more easily accessible to try something new and not get the “how come you are trying that” speech.
My sister for YEARS was known to most, as a gymnast and my brother, as a dork (scale model airplanes was his calling card). I was good at tennis but never fell into the category of “oh yeah he is the tennis player in the family”, I was good on puters but I was never the geek, I was good at a plethora of sports, but was never considered a jock. A few chicks here and there, but never a womanizer or a playboy. Played guitar and sang in rock bands, but was never pinned as a metal head, and the list goes on and on. I think I prefer to have been a jack of all trades, than to be the best at one very specialized damn thing my whole life.
I too have lost drive to continue many of the “couldnt even call them hobbies” such as guitar playing (havent touched it in months), playing drums (ditto), writing (years), etc. Havent read a really good book in forever (magazines run my life now), and quite frankly, any other “intelectual” activity short of watching the history channel has evaded me completely in the last 10 years.
(I started out with the intention of cheering you on but I think you managed to bring me down) You magnificent bastard!
Anyway, everywhere you go will always be the same because no matter what it all becomes familiar and one thing never changes = you. Trust me, I’ve traveled plenty and lived in a dozen different places. No matter where you go, it will all eventually be the same “I torment myself with my own obsessive thoughts” kind of place.
I recommend a VACATION you freak. I have a futon with your name all over it.
F it.
Posted 22 Jul 2005 at 9:52 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
OK, I’m good to go again. I really need a vacation, but right now I’m kind of in between contracts. As in, I’m still working for the same place, except I haven’t had a contract since, um, start of the month. This shit should be sorted out tomorrow, so expect news.
Posted 26 Jul 2005 at 7:45 pm ¶
dorothy hale wrote:
Alvarete, as I recall, the first time I read about you was something in the line of: “El harem de Alvarete”…so from there on, I was always sure you were pretty good at “something” ;)
There will always be someone better or someone worse, so the real challenge is to stop comparing ourselves and try to live with our own expectations….
Posted 26 Jul 2005 at 9:26 pm ¶
nashira wrote:
I think you should listen to Chase Ransom’s recommendation. In a not-so-gay-but-not-very-straight-also kind of way, he knows what you need.
Go for the futon you.
Posted 27 Jul 2005 at 1:50 am ¶
César wrote:
Everything is the same, because let´s face it, you are the same!. Well it´s the same with me I´m having a crapping time in Buenos Aires.
By the way, amazing blog my friend, with groupies and everything!
César
Posted 28 Jul 2005 at 12:59 am ¶
Johann wrote:
I understand the frustration, and agree that you should take some time off work. Honestly i think you are missing a lot of stuff going on around you. If i would write down my everyday life in diferent countries, yes they where all pretty much the same b.s. That said I miss many of the little things, bars, restaurants,bands, that fantastic cuban food down 121st on tuesdays, terrific coffee shops, diferent seasons, swonboarding. The list goes on forever, but most of all i try and call most of my friends in the States and Germany now that im back in Ecuador. Keep reading medical journals althought I studied finaces. Play that game of magic here and there. I do non the less not feal like going to work almost everyday. Yet find it gratifing when a 2,3,4 year project is finished. So Alvarete, take some time, walk downtown, find a place with good drinkable coffee, buy some chocolate, sit down check out the skirts, and if ya feal lucky once that expresso went to your brain ask one out. Just like that out of the bloom. Chances are nothing but a chat will come of it, probably not insightfull, you will not fix the world in those 2 hours of coffee drinking meeting diferent folks. But maybe just maybe when you walk back home you´ll figure out the sky changed colors, and a particular bird is now singing next to your appt. Take a chance maybe not bungie jumping or sky diving but a mesured one, talk to the people around you for once without judging how they dress or whether or not they know how a particularly talented guittarist plays the way he does. It will cheer you up. Good luck bro
Posted 29 Jul 2005 at 4:07 am ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
Buy some chocolate? Hmm.
I have to disagree with Johann. Not only in your case, but in anybody’s case, seeking out thrills and romance isnt the remedy for monotony, frustration and feeling a little out of place.
Johann, dude, sky changing color and birds singing? Is this a Mariah Carey video? To think that hooking up with chicks is the “ready-mix solution” to happiness is like assuming that picking at a itchy scab will make it heal faster.
It’s all about inner peace, knowing what makes you happy and doing it. People with alot of inner dialog and incindiery thought process such as yourself eventually have a moment of clarity in which you find out who you are and what makes you tick.
Alvarete, you are gay and penis makes you tick. Just kidding. Had to lighten the mood. And nothing lightens a gay mans life more than penis. Oops. Speaking of gay, its time to pick on Chalito.
Later mon.
F it.
Posted 29 Jul 2005 at 1:31 pm ¶
Johann wrote:
I think you are right Chase. I just think he needs a change of pace and start looking at things diferent. I´m a worcoholic, paranoid, controling person when in the office. I took up building farms as a business and it made a huge diference in my life, just having to be in the countryside for long periods of time. As you said getting to know what makes on tick. By the way I trade coffee and chocolate so a little advertisement did never hurt. Go out yall buy some chocolate.Jeje
Posted 29 Jul 2005 at 4:05 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
You lost me. Are we talking candy here, or is it sweet, sweet brown sugar we should crave? Beware though, you know how the saying goes, “once you go black…”
Nashira is going to read this and then all hell will break loose at my home.
P.S. “just like a young girl should”…
Posted 01 Aug 2005 at 3:33 am ¶
alvarete wrote:
“You know she makes me feel good…”
Posted 01 Aug 2005 at 11:12 am ¶
nashira wrote:
Blind Willie, I’m a discreet woman, yo. Besides, and now that we’re playing word games, have you heard of blackmail?
Posted 01 Aug 2005 at 4:39 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Oh, so “once you go black…” refers to blackmail? I prefer gmail, not that uncouth crap.
You can be uncouth, how come you can’t be just couth? The mind boggles…
Posted 03 Aug 2005 at 12:40 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
Ah yes, 10 things I hate about you. Never have potato chips been snatched in such a funny way. I’ll watch it this weekend to honor thy reference.
F it.
Posted 03 Aug 2005 at 1:10 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
I was comparing dick sizes and top ten movie lists the other day, and, judging by everybody’s reaction, I don’t think Ten Things has made it across the pond. I’m gonna have to school these illiterate savages…
Posted 03 Aug 2005 at 2:51 pm ¶