Audience participation week
It’s audience appreciation day here at alvarete’s Big Top o’ Fun, and we’re going to try something new: in the spirit of top ten lists, today’s question is:
What movie you thought could’ve been great but missed the boat, and what would you do to make it great?
My answer:
Saving Private Ryan.
I remember watching it in theaters, and right at the end, when they’re leaving the tomb of the unknown soldier, thinking: “Fuck it, if he salutes the grave, this is the worst ending ever… Oh god, he’s going to do it. Don’t do it! AGH! WORST… ENDING… EVER!”.
I think Spielberg is a fantastic director, and Saving Private Ryan is a fine film on its own, but I hate the way he tries to sugarcoat the film. Let it stand how it is: fuck the unknown soldier, fuck the stupid melodrama. It’s completely unnecessary, and it cheapens the film.
Bonus answer:
Batman Returns (pandering to the juvenile audience)
The first half of the movie is good, but then the good people at Warner decided it was high-time for shit to start blowing up. You know what blows? The second half of the movie. Apparently, a cerebral super-hero movie doesn’t jive with today’s ADD crowd, so hey, let’s dumb it down! In comes the love interest, out goes reason! I would completely re-do the second half of the movie, and shape it more like Spider-man 2 and X-men 2, both fine examples of comic-book movies. Granted, they already had one complete episode to spend in character exposition, but even the first chapters in both these movies are way tighter than the most recent Dark Knight. There’s a fine balance to walk between being scary and being a joke, and I think Nolan’s action Batman falls squarely in the second category. Fuck it, just hand this over to one of the geek directors (Peter Jackson, Guillermo del Toro, Sam Raimi) and let them hit it out of the park. God knows money isn’t an issue…
So, what are yours?
Chito wrote:
Well, actually there are a lot of movies I wasn’t happy with its ending. To name one of the most recent ones it has to be Star Wars Episode III. Besides the fact that Lucas CANNOT direct, there were a lot of things that I just didn’t buy. For example the death of Amidala. It was sooooo cheesy it almost made me puke. The performances are crap (thanks to Lucas) and the last montage of film should have ended with Palpatine and Vader looking over the construction of the Death Star. Also, the part when Vader “wakes up” (ignoring that it was Frankstein tribute) doesn’t work at all. What kinda works for me though, is that that is the only moment of so-calles weakness we ever see in Vader (the part when he asks about Amidala).
I’m actually happy that the whole Star Wars movie franchise is finished, ‘cuz I won’t have to see another movie wich is directed by Lucas.
Posted 05 Aug 2005 at 11:59 pm ¶
César wrote:
Well, that’s kind of harsh! I liked Batman begins , but you´re right the second half of the movie is a complete different show. And about the romantic interest, you know that´s an obligation for a Batman movie, you dont want people taking about Bat´s sexual shenanigans dont you!
what about his fixaxion with young underaged sidekicks with no pants! People talk you know!
Posted 06 Aug 2005 at 12:10 am ¶
Chalito wrote:
Personally there are a lot of movies that can fall under that category, however, it’s too easy to bitch about the ending of a “coulda been great” movie.
My choice is “Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back”. That movie had a lot of potential, a great writter/director and a gazzillion famous faces willing to a part of the movie…yet, in terms of context, it sucked!
The story is extremely weak (unrecognizable for a Kevin Smith script), although it has a lot of great funny moments, most of the humour falls into “unnecesarry vulgarity” category. KS had the chance to retire a great franchise in Jay and Bob, retire them like a first class boxer…while on top!…yet, he ended up killing them, extremely sad.
Someone once argued it was a movie for the fans…ok, I understand there’s a lot of references to his previous 4 movies, but that still doesn’t justify how dull the movie was.
Another example would be scary/terror movies, wtf happened to the gender??? as we look back at horror films from the 70’s and early 80’s, we laugh at the poor special effects and how big busty girls always seem to loose their tops before getting slashed by a machete…however, back in the day, those were sacry movies, people liked them, i know i did. The poor unrealistic effect were compensated by original well developed stories.
Today, most scary movies are freeking jokes, there’s no point in taking a hot chick to see them hoping she’ll be sticking to you like gum to your shoe on a hot day…most of the times, the only effect this movies have beside from boredom is nausea every once in a while.
I should clarify that I’m refering to Hollywood productions, most japanese horror flicks are pretty descent…that is until someone in La-La land buys it and manages to fuk it up.
Jay: “What buzz?”
Holden: “The internet buzz”
Jay: “What da fuk is the internet???”
Posted 06 Aug 2005 at 12:50 am ¶
nashira wrote:
Oh God, please… Spielberg a fantastic director? What do you mean? He’s fantastic at making cheesy movies, indeed.
Saving private Ryan could’ve been great except for the last 5 seconds of the movie? You mean, you actually liked the rest of the 2 hours of YET ANOTHER AMERICAN SOLDIER SUFFERING, yet another bad german guy, yet another WWII movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah, “raw war scenes”. Mat Damon, I hate that guy and the weird expression of his mouth that resembles so much Hillary Swanks’s mouth, don’t you think?
Anyway, my movie is: The Gathering. That freak girl from Casper was there, and it was about a curse in some forgotten english town, Jesus Christ was involved and other tragedies too.
Could’ve been a great fantasy/horror or some any other transgender movie, except that it was cheap, the writer seemed to have included (accidentally or purposedly) all the screenplays he ever (or never) wrote (since or at age 3) in the second half of the movie… The director sucked or was sucking the writer’s thingy when directing. I’m sorry for being so vulgar. It happened exactly like that, I’m pretty sure.
Drank too much
and I said too much
and there’s nowhere to go but Down.
Young boy -I wanna help you
See these lines? Truly disappointed
Truly, truly, truly
~ Morrisey
Posted 06 Aug 2005 at 3:42 am ¶
älvärëtë wrote:
I stand by my choice, Saving Private Ryan has some pretty fucking powerful scene, and I’m not even talking about the entire “Let’s Storm Omaha Beach” (catchy name for a Broadway show opener) scene, which is basically a show and tell scene (and a fucking good one at that). The Adam Goldberg stabbing scene is impressive, and even Vin Diesel is decent in it. For what could’ve been, I think it didn’t fall into the nationalist pandering schtick it could’ve.
Posted 06 Aug 2005 at 12:03 pm ¶
älvärëtë wrote:
Scary movies being better in the 70s-80s? Besides some classics, like Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Evil Dead, I don’t think scary movies were ever scary, at all. Nowadays, there are some very intelligent examples, like Land of the Dead by Romero, or Shaun of the Dead (which is quickly getting to be one of my favourite movies), but the really creepy stuff is gone. In today’s Hollywood, a movie like Texas Chainsaw Massacre would never be shot. Watch the original, watch the remake, and tell me what’s missing. Oh yeah, all the fucking gore, for one. And second, a filmmaker that’s willing to take chances. Even today, TCM is very unsettling. Today’s PC-ness killed the horror movie industry, which is why all the half-scary stuff we’re getting nowadays is Japanese.
Posted 06 Aug 2005 at 12:06 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
This is all nothing but crazy talk. However.
First of all, the question was “what movie was good up to t he last few minutes” or something to that effect. Chalito: what are you talking about? This isnt what movie had potential or what sequel killed the series.
I partially agree with what Alvarete has to say about Saving Private Ryan, mainly because I hate cliche and cheesy shit without a purpose other than to, cheese it up. But all in all I think the movie in general wasnt defeated by the salute. Face it, its Speilberg. Contrary to what Nashira has to say however, I think the movie was very, very good. Nashira: You have to learn to look beyond your distate for Damon’s mouth and the fact that Spielberg is involved, and admit when a movie is good. It is in fact probably one of the best war time movies ever made. Now all you Full Metal Jacket and Appocalipse Now fans can proceed to throw crap at my opinion.
Coincidentally, one movie which I think would fit the bill of this question better would be Cast Away (also with Hanks). I enjoyed the film. The plot is developed, the characters are solid (as can be), and I managed to not only survive, but even enjoy watching a half naked dude on an island talking to a volleybal while there are absolutely no hot chicks in sight. The guy gets off the island, is rescued, goes though the “coming back from the dead” issues, etc. And then? A crossroad in rural midwest america? That is how the movie ends? You mother…..
Anyway, point given.
As far as scary movies are concerned, I have to agree with Chalito. Back in the day movie makes really took the time to think things through and build the mood and characters of the movies they were making. Just today I was half-watching The Shining and man, that is some good wacky Jack Nicholson going looney shit.
Today scary movies are basically a mathmatical formula of gore, guts and timing the boom on the subwoofer after a prolonged pause so that you instictively jump out of your seat and say to yourself “dude that was some scary shit”. The sillyness of it, combined with the jaded aetheist in me, dashed with an obsessive need for logic and just plain common sense, make scary movies to me a complete waste of time.
Last summer my wife’s nephews came to spend the summer and I shit you not, we must have watched every single scary movie - and I couldnt have been more bored and unmoved.
As far as TCM - sorry dude but, I was, is and will always be crap. It falls in the “these people are so stupid I am amazed they actually got a license to drive that allowed them to arrive at this unfortunate destination to begin with” movie. Were it not for the constant stock of hot chicks they toss into these movies, they would be literally unwatchable. Actually, I will rephrase that. DESPITE all the hot chicks, I still cant watch them they are so silly.
I am personally more frightened and held hostage by suspense when I am standing in front of my toilet getting ready to pee every morning. For some reason, although there is only one orifice and a pretty obvious aiming device, bodily fluids (especially early in the morning) have the ability to go anywhere but where intended, or otherwise can manage to emerge in two streams (of different intensity in fact) instead of just one. Did I just share too much?
Actually, I am more frightened with the fact that I am consistantly coinciding with Chalito in my opinions. I may have to re-evaluate my lifestyle because of this.
I feel like I can never give a one-two response. Long winded like John Kerry you say? DAMN!
F it.
Posted 06 Aug 2005 at 10:22 pm ¶
Schiz Cum Snake wrote:
I kind of liked the TCM “remake”, at least the first hour of the film was good and effective; then, of course, it falls appart and becomes redundant and cheesy. But it wasn’t that mediocre, it did have its moments and characters, like Sheriff Hoyt: he fucking ruled to hell!
My answer:
Star Wars Episode III
Well, I respect Lucas’ idiosyncrasy, but he is an erratic filmmaker who has have made some very poor artistic decisions. I’m okay with the skeleton of the story, but I have a few complaints when it comes to its execution.
I felt kind of sad for Samuel L. Jackson, his Mace Windu character was pretty wasted. This is the third prequel and Windu is still talking about something that we already knew without adding anything new or substantial to it. I’m talking about the “If Anakin is the chosen one, he will bring balance to the force” crap talking. C’ mon, George, how underwritten can a prophechy be. Also, he is supposed to be a Jedi Master with a very high status in the Jedi Council, so what about giving him some dialogue that shows how much of a wise Jedi he was supposed to be instead of a clueless fucking idiot? And what’s with him yelling like a girl when Anakin cuts off his hand?
Posted 07 Aug 2005 at 12:14 am ¶
Schiz Cum Snake wrote:
It’s not the only thing that needs improvement, of course. There is more stuff like the fights, the wasted and forgotten forbidden love sub plot, the pregnancy and mainly Anakin’s almost unbelievable change to the Dark Side.
Posted 07 Aug 2005 at 12:36 am ¶
älvärëtë wrote:
I personally agree with Chase. I loved Castaway,but I thought the ending was weak. Not “Dude, weak”, but lacking the emotional punch of the rest of the movie. Personally, I would end the movie just as he’s being rescued. No need for a stupid epilogue, which, if these few comments are any sign of, is Spielberg’s weakness. I mean, I re-watched War of the Worlds yesterday, and I have the same complaint about it, so I guess a more universal solution would be to just avoid the closing scenes of all Spielberg movies altogether and enjoy the rest.
OK, another one:
Return of the Jedi
Replace the ewoks by wookies. Seriously, it wouldn’t be such a slap in the face to the Empire’s clone army if they would be defeated by ginormous hairy creatures that could rip your arms out, instead of cute furry things you could imagine as Michael Jackson’s personal servants. I heard after the ewok ass-kicking, the empire banned the use of the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones”, because it was being punchlined with “especially when wielded by three-foot creatures that are still wearing roadkill on their heads”.
Posted 07 Aug 2005 at 11:04 am ¶
Johann wrote:
My choice would have to be Lied von ein trauriges sontag. Great movie, acting was briliant, a bit cheese in the mittle, but the scenes from Praga man nice way of putting a perspective into 1945 war run Europe. Non the less i do belive that dying while eating at his favorite restaurant was a bit to easy for that fucker. Ooops sorry for the language.
Posted 07 Aug 2005 at 1:42 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
I actually couldn’t find the time to rethink about movies that could’ve been better, but still I had to say something about Carlito’s Way. Holy fuck, I really wanted Carlito Brigante to live. It was probably the saddest (yet necessary) ending for any movie of the same genre.
Posted 08 Aug 2005 at 9:07 pm ¶