Beat on the brat
I’d already seen this, but this is as good a moment as any to toss the question to you:
How many 5-year-olds could you take out?
The rules:
- You’re in a basketball court-sized area
- There are no foreign objects
- You are not allowed to touch a wall
- You lose if knocked out. You win if you knock them all out
- The pool will be representative of normal 5-year-old demographics.
- The kids receive one day of training from combat experts
- You will receive one hour of combat training
- No protection other than a standard groin cup
- The kids will not get scared. Even the last one will give it his/her best.
So, given these rules, how many 5-year olds could you take out before they overtook you?
Given that I used to work at an elementary school, I have to say your average 5-year old isn’t very tough, or strong, for that matter. I think I could easily take about 40 of them before being felled by shin kicks and vicious ankle bites. It really depends on how organised they are: if they formed into a circle and all came at me at once, it would be harder than if they came at me one at a time, bad-action movie style. Given that I’m not precisely well-built, I say 40 is a decent estimate. In any case, one of the first things I’m going to do when I get rich is buy a truckload of 5-year olds to test this out. Anybody has any young sons/nephews to donate to the cause?
Chase Ransom wrote:
Ah yes, the age old question. But, is there really just one answer?
For this question to have any merrit we need to also set the boundary you so quickly pointed out. It depends mainly on one thing. How organized are the kids.
I too was a school teacher at some point (5th grade), and I was quite familiar with the size and physical attributes of the kids in pre-school and shit like that. Thus, as well trained as a child may be, if put head to head VS an adult (regardless of the physical build), there is just no room for conquest on behalf of the kid. Arm and leg length, stamina, sheer force in a kick or punch, height, you name it.
So I will give two answers, one for the scenario of One on One fighting, and one for a lynch mob attack by the little tykes.
One on One: I cant imagine any external reason for stopping the slaughter. I think that only sheer exhaustion would render me useless i.e. I am already tired of swinging my arms, kicking and my hands are puffy red from bitch-slapping kids on the side of the head. How long till I get too tired to keep on keeping on? Say 100 kids.
The Lynch Mob: I shit you not. I would probably not manage to take out 2 before I was pinned and imobilized. Once that is accomplished, how much crushing of tracheas with my hands could I do before my clutch got weak? Ok so maybe like 5 kids.
Question: On the external objects issue, can I use a kid as a weapon against another kid? Kid swinging (considering they only weigh like 50 pounds) or throwing could be very damaging to them and tremendously Matrix like for my own self-esteem.
Just thought I would ask.
F it.
Posted 17 Aug 2005 at 1:21 pm ¶
Johann wrote:
Hmmm How many kids can one take out. If this is knock out then i supose the number is not more than 5. Kids are made out of rubber, punches bounce of them and they have way too much energy, they will just keep on coming for more. If by take out you mean kill, it really depends on how cold one is. Kids have fairly fragile necks it is fairly easy to puncture , break or damage their necks and throats. Take the 30 min and practice how to jank a 5 year old throut out and remember they only need to be out of combat, they can choke on their own. I say maybe 40 before they take me out.
Posted 17 Aug 2005 at 2:22 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Ah, the lynch mob scenario. I believe we need an addendum to the rule that states how many kids per drove. I mean, if you’re standing in the middle of a basketball court, and suddenly they release 1,000 5-year olds to have at you, I don’t think my expectations for survival would be that high. I mean, all they have to do is run towards you, and you suddenly don’t have anywhere to go. Then, ankle-biting and carnage would ensue. However, let’s say they come in 10-kid waves. Even if they formed a circle, they just wouldn’t have enough momentum to get to you. And grabbing a kid and using him as a flesh club against his unlucky brethren suddenly looks like an attractive proposition.
For the sake of arguing, let’s consider both scenarios.
Never-ending supply of kids: I keep my original 30 kid answer. Some of them would be beaten up before they got the best of me.
10-kid waves: I’d say my survival rate goes up considerably. Maybe 100 kids?
Posted 17 Aug 2005 at 2:43 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
Why would you use a kid as a sling? You’ll only manage to get tired quickly. I guess you haven’t considered the extreme fatigue that comes with throwing punches, and even more if you use your legs for something else than cracking a skull from one of the fallen ones. I don’t care if you look at them as 5 year old kids, the point is, you still have to knock the living shit out of them, or else they will get up and fight you back. I have one question though: Are all this kids boys, or do I get to beat up some little girls, too? (If girls are allowed, there should be a rule about finger nails, though).
So, how many kids could I despose off? If they come in 10-kid waves, I bet maybe 40, and that’s because I’m in good cardio-vascular shape, and I pack a punch. I can’t make out a number for one on one competition, but there’s no way I could handle 100. And no more than 10 if we’re talking about a full scale attack.
Can I be drunk? The numbers will deffinetely go down, but the pain factor worries me. Besides, it should be more fun.
Posted 17 Aug 2005 at 7:07 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Beating up little girls?
Man, you’re sick.
Posted 17 Aug 2005 at 8:31 pm ¶
Johann wrote:
10 at a time…. not bad i think 60 would go down. All of them at the same time, it´s the not having a wall that really makes the diference. With a wall it´s more of a wait at the wall crush them into the wall thing, no wall it´s a 1000 kids with a compounded weight of 50000 pounds against 200 pounds hmmm if they rush in from all sides get on your back crush you down and start kicking and biting. Yeap not more than 5, most probably one or maybe if they hesitate 2.
Posted 17 Aug 2005 at 9:38 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
I have seen kids land on their necks from the monkey-bars and just get up and run away scared of the ass kicking they will get from the parent who has just been scared half to death. So they are definitely resilient.
However, I am sure that most of the kids wouldnt get back up after first contact simply because unless you plan on flailing your hands in a panicked motion, you should be able to cause enough focused, efficient damage to each individual child (in the One on One scenario) to make their return for seconds almost impossible.
Little girls? Somehow not as fun.
You miss the point of using a kid as a club or throwing kids at other kids. Its not efficient, but visually it would be the shit.
F it
Posted 17 Aug 2005 at 11:07 pm ¶
Blind Willie wrote:
You know, if I were to be a feminist, I’d be pissed off by your chauvinistic approach on this matter.
Posted 18 Aug 2005 at 3:26 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Yeah, women have the same right to get beat up as men. Bring it on, sistah!
Posted 22 Aug 2005 at 10:00 am ¶
Schiz Cum Snake wrote:
Little kids’ skulls and bones are more fragile, so it must be relatively easy to brake them. They are not very strong anyway and one day of training is definitely not enough time to turn them into pros. I am sort of tall, so I would kick them in order to make them stay away from me; but if they come in circles and grasp my legs and hold them tighty, they could immobilize and push me over. It would depend on how well they fight together. I ‘d say that I could take 7 kids.
Posted 25 Aug 2005 at 7:26 am ¶