I figured I keep posting these updates with all the stuff I’ve watched/read/listened to/found interesting, and it kept getting weird just finding a post title and an introduction, so I’m going to cave in to my own personal demands and make it a feature of sorts. Don’t worry, crazy inane shit that nobody wants to read will be back in its regular schedule, it’s just that I’ve taken up reading in the subway again, and being that that’s where I think about most of my posts I’m kind of short on inspiration lately. I could think about stuff while I’m sitting in the toilet, but I tried it once and felt guilty while writing it. Besides, I kept waiting for a truly great article that I could use as a referent during a future online fight:

“Oh yeah, well my article is better than yours, and I wrote it while taking a shit. Who’s your daddy, bitch?”

Said article never came, so I arrived at the conclusion that my subway writing > my toilet writing, which makes me optimistic about my life in a weird post-modern kind of way.

Onwards!

Movie - History of Violence: I watched this movie yesterday, and it’s awesome. Cronenberg has spent the best part of the 80s and 90s making pictures about how the human body cracks and splinters, and now he applies that same perspective it to human relationships. The movie’s great, the script is inspired, it avoids the twist at the end that audiences are expecting nowadays, and it’s packed with great performances. I would like to say that the acting is 100% quality, but it does suffer from the “retarded little girl” syndrome. Given that there seem to be so few non-retarded child actors in Hollywood I think you and I can agree this is forgivable. Go watch this, but please be prepared for what could be Cronenberg’s bloodiest movie since The Fly. On an unrelated note, I’m strangely attracted to Maria Bello, even though her body screams “eating disorder”.

Movie - Lord of War: I actually watched this about a month ago while I was in the States, but since I don’t remember talking about it I might as well do so now. Me and Chase agreed that this movie should get some kind of award for “Most Misleading First Five Minutes, Ever”. I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but the entire tv spot campaign was light-hearted, almost funny in retrospect, and the five minute intro echoes this sentiment. Don’t let it fool you: this is a movie about an arms dealer. Nicholas Cage continues to impress, and Jared Leto is hot. There’s also a hot chick involved, but I can’t remember her name. Don’t know who wins between her and Leto in the hotness war though. There should be an E! TV show dedicated to this sort of conundrum.

DVD - Indecision 2004: So you like SNL’s Weekend Update, but you’re tired of the childish jokes? The Daily Show is there to welcome you to adulthood. (Along with beer, tittie movies and, um… That’s it? I want my teenage years back!). The Indecision 2004 DVD set is hilarious and depressing at the same time, and I love bipolar entertainment. Jon Stewart is also one of the funniest men on TV.

Book - Coheed and Cambria - Good Apollo, I’m Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness: These guys should be hated instantly just because of that album title. I always thought they were emo-rock, but it turns out they’re a prog band. Go figure. Their CD hasn’t left my iPod for a month straight. That’s high praise, indeed.

Music - All Parliament and Funkadelic: These guys were making concept albums straight out of saturday morning cartoons before it was fashionable to do so. Come one, Starchild, who comes from the skies to bring the Holy Funk to humanity? His arch-enemy Sir Nose D’Voidoffunk, who refuses to dance because he’s too cool for that? Also, Bootsy Collins is the grooviest man in the planet. We had this discussion, and it was agreed that Flea was the funkiest man alive, and Bootsy the grooviest. I haven’t been this funked up in years.

Music - All Frank Zappa: I’ve listened to Zappa before, but I’ve come to appreciate his music in a whole new level now. The man was the ultimate social critic, and he managed to be an incredible musician and a pretty funny comedian to boot. Does humor belong in music? Definitely.