Stranded: Week 9
Seriously, how hard can it be to toss a copper pair into my house? After two friggin’ months of waiting for a DSL install, I’m not sure what’s worse: the waiting, or having to deal with these retarded monkeys. The latest iteration of my dilemma is:
- “Hi, I’m dumber than a bag of rocks. How can I make your life more miserable?”
- “Yes, I’m desperate. I’m ready to jump through whatever hoops you tell and pay whatever you ask, just please, give me internet, k thx bye?”
- “OK, hold on please.”
The call “mysteriously” gets dropped.
Then the process is repeated five or six times.
I finally get through to somebody who takes my order, and tells me I have to wait seven to ten working days.
Six to ten working days later…
I call back, and say that my “installation date has slipped”, and is now “November 10th”. “But don’t worry”, the phone droid chimes, “these things usually get picked up a couple of days earlier! Now, Telefonica will conduct an automated test to measure your satisfaction. Please press one!”
I press five as many times as I can, just to make sure the system registers my extreme dis-satisfaction. I consider TPing the Telefonica Call Center, but decide against. I’ll probably get arrested, and in prison you get internet in the ass when you bend over to pick up the soap.
So yeah, things are going great. I actually worked two consecutive 60-hour weeks after coming back from vacation. I still don’t know how I managed to get my jet-lagged ass out of the bed for the first week. The positive side is, I didn’t have any time to get any funky ideas in my head. Until yesterday, that is, when rain finally met my parade, and reality finally sunk in. The conversation might have gone something along the lines of:
-”You know how I know you’re gay?”
-”I’m not gay!”
-”Yes you are, because you have a rainbow sticker in your car that says ‘I’m gay’.”
-”I don’t have a car…”
-”You know how I know you’re gay? Because you don’t have a car.”
-”I told you, I’m not gay.”
-”You know how I know you’re gay? You like George Michael, post-Faith.”
-”I’m… confused.”
All further attempts to spread the meme around failed miserably. So, lé sigh, and all that. Is it that hard to follow the “You know how I know you’re gay?” joke? Should I start with the basics like “Knock knock, who’s there”? You might think that spanish humor is so refined that these low-brow jokes are rejected because they’re stupid. The opposite is true: spanish humor is so basic, that these jokes actually make a whoosing sound as they fly over the heads of my fellow countrymen. Sometimes I think that the only reason I hang on to my job is so I can talk to English citizens that actually know what humor is.
Chase Ransom wrote:
Ok here I go.
As you all (three of you) know, I work in construction. 90% of everyone in my industry is male. Of that group, probably not a whole bunch of gay guys. Even less those that would come out of the closet, since construction (especially here down south) is full of red necks and homophobes and what not.
Anyway, I am at this new project. There is this Owner’s Rep. He seems alright. Whatever. So one day we are in a meeting and I just cant shake the idea that he just might be gay. Something about him tells me so.
One day here at the office I mention this to my boss and he looks at me and asks “have you seen his cookie jar collection?”.
Turns out, this guy has a MASSIVE ceramic cookie jar collection (all different designs and shit). BUT WAIT. Not at his house. Not in his main office. IN THE JOBSITE TRAILER OFFICE. Which tells the following:
1. That dude, is gay
2. Gay and all, that dude has the biggest pair of nuts on the planet because to flaunt your gayness with COOKIE JARS on a contruction jobsite, takes balls of steel.
3. He is gay.
So….that having been said….
You know how I know you’re gay? You have a massive ceramic cookie jar collection in your jobsite trailer office
POW
Posted 17 Oct 2006 at 8:01 pm ¶
Captain Charisma wrote:
Just a quick spammie spammie:
Chase, alvarete, chito and such:
www.ecuadorchat.4t.com
I dont know which is funnier, the animations per se or the fact that those guys are on their mid-30’s and still not over IRC.
Funny though. Chito is, like, a SUPERSTAR there..
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 7:30 pm ¶
Chase Ransom wrote:
I think my first reaction when I saw the pictures was the most telling: I was so glad I wasnt in any of the pictures.
I dont think there is anything wrong with taking a walk down memory lane once in a while. The problem some people have is they want to live on memory lane - completely ignoring the fact that its a LANE and therefore you are supposed to be moving through it - not living in it.
You know how I know you’re gay? You spend your free time doing voice-overs for little old ladies that want to fuck Chito.
pFire!
Posted 21 Oct 2006 at 3:45 am ¶
Chito wrote:
Just for the record, I felt raped (literaly) when I watched episode two. That’s gonna hunt me for a long time. Damn the Fat Pack!!!
Posted 23 Oct 2006 at 4:31 pm ¶
Captain Charisma wrote:
Joer, why did ya erase my comments? You know how that pisses me off.
(_)_) Up your arsenal.
Posted 23 Oct 2006 at 8:18 pm ¶
alvarete wrote:
Hm, I didn’t delete any comments on purpose. Maybe the spam filter ate them? :p
Chito, I’m pretty sure you can sue their asses, not only for using your likeness, but also for saying it was your voice. Just sayin’… Other than that, that was just… Offensive. I didn’t escape the pictures, there’s one in there, and I’m sure the Fat Pack is trying to remember something embarassing that involves me. I hope I’m just paranoid.
Posted 29 Oct 2006 at 7:23 pm ¶
Rudd-O wrote:
Oops, the spam filter is leaking.
I got advance notice of ecuadorchat’s animations and it did crack me up, especially the drawings. I think it’s the lousiness factor on the drawings that gets me.
But I have to agree with P: though it ain’t bad to prop oneself up with a couple fond memories, and learn from the bad ones, Memory Lane sucks big molassy balls as living quarters.
Posted 31 Oct 2006 at 9:32 am ¶