I keep trying to make a “Best of 2007″ list, and I keep failing. The monumental task of cataloguing 365 days of stuffs is beyond me, even more so at this particular point in time. I’m taking the easy way out, even if it feels like a cop-out: bite-sized reviews, filled with hagiographical fawning and hyperbolical grandiloquence.

• Pan’s Labyrinth: I was irate when this movie had a limited-release in the US before coming out in Spain. It was shot here! In Spanish! Why do those greedy americans get to watch it first? Then, the word spread: the movie was a masterpiece. This, of course, didn’t help matters. Fast forward the two longest months in my movie-awaiting life, and I can only confirm that every single word of praise is true. Pan’s Labyrinth is my favorite movie this year, completely obliterating all the competition. If you haven’t watched it, you damn well should. It also has the year’s Best Villain, and the best “bottle, meet face” scene I have ever seen.
• Casino Royale: How could this movie be any good? How about by ignoring the past 20 years of Bond formulas? Daniel Craig’s Bond bleeds more in one movie than all the other Bonds combined, and brings the role down to earth in a franchise show-stopper. The only thing keeping me from naming him the Best Bond Ever is a romantic attachment to Sean Connery’s accent.
• Prince: I’ll go on the record saying that Prince is the only man I’d let fuck me. Seeing how humble he is in his acceptance speech to the UK Hall of Fame made me happy in the pants region, and if you haven’t seen his performance with Beyoncé at the Grammys or his stellar appearance at The Brits, well, you should. One of the few people that remain on the “Bands to see live before I die” list.
• Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon: A mockumentary about a serial killer. I haven’t watched this yet, but the word on the street is that it’s awesome. It’s hiting theaters this February 14th, and I hope I’ll be able to watch it then.
• Slither: James Gunn went all homage-y on this horror movie, and the end result works. If you’re a fan of old-school 80s camp horror movies, back when it took more than a 20-million Special FX budget to make something special, this movie is for you. Between Slither, Behind the Mask and The Hills Have Eyes, it was a very good year for horror fans.
• The Hot Kid: After watching Be Cool, I was ready to discount Elmore Leonard as a piece of shit writer. Every single person involved with that movie has been added to my blacklist, except, of course, Uma Thurman, who wrangles her way out of sheer hotness. Then, I read The Hot Kid, and my ass was kicked seven ways to Sunday. Leonard’s tale of a hot-shot cop’s involvement with a spoiled brat out for a spot in the FBI’s Most Wanted list is literary crack, the kind of book I had to stop reading in the subway ride to work because I was hyperventilating on the train.
• The Far Side Gallery 2007 Calendar: No explanation necessary.
• Brick: I’m fucking tired of first-time directors making shit like this. So you’re 20-something years old. Does this give you the right to come up with a movie that was poised to be my favorite movie this year? Brick is this year’s Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. The pitch? The Godfather in high school. It shouldn’t have worked. Yet it did. It came, we saw it (twice), my mind was blown. Like, whoa, dude…
• The really short list (AKA I’m tired of typing and looking up references): A Scanner Darkly, The Departed, Crank, Eddie Murphy in Dreamgirls, Children of Men, The Fountain, Pan’s Labyrinth, PAN’S Labyrinth, Pan’s LABYRINTH.